Don't Let the Radio Advertising Grizzly Bear Eat You Alive

By Steven Weisenburger

"Radio advertising doesn't work."

If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that from an entrepreneur who has sunk a small fortune into radio advertising only to come up empty handed, I'd have Donald Trump looking over his shoulder.

An advertising campaign that falls flat can leave you feeling a bit naked, kinda like The Emperor's New Clothes, but it's not your clothes that's vanished it's your money. It's a weird union of emotions -- you're both mad and embarrassed at the same time. You can't decide whether to lead a SWAT assault on the station or secretly call Revenge Unlimited and let them do their thing.

But wait! Before you do anything rash, you deserve to know that other entrepreneurs are making a small fortune with radio advertising. You may ask, "Hey you numskull, what the freak does that have to do with me?"

Good question. To quote my favorite billionaire, Charles Morse, "What one man can do so can another." And you gotta believe Charles because he kills a grizzly bear with his bare hands and a pointy stick in the movie, The Edge.

Let's Kill the Radio Advertising Grizzly Bear

So go find a pointy stick and let's kill the radio advertising grizzly bear once and for all.

Listen, when it comes to buying any advertising you’re in a fight. And when it comes to buying radio advertising, you’re up against a ferocious grizzly bear. A grizzly is eight feet tall, weighs 950+ lbs, massive paws with four inch claws, can smell its prey up to ten miles away and teeth so powerful it can bite through a deers leg. And to make matters worse if you wander into his habitat you're easy game because you're in unfamiliar territory.

The trouble starts when the attractive account rep from the radio station stops by with an attractive promotion package for a highly attractive upcoming event. (I don't know why, but all radio sales reps are very attractive -- I've never seen an ugly one.)

It's a scientific fact that we're all attracted by attractive things -- it's better stated if we say we are distracted by attractive things. Because of this little psychological fact we are already at a disadvantage and so far they've only walked in the door!

But this is only the tip of the psychological iceberg that your account representative is going to bring to bear on you.

As an entrepreneur, a desire for more business is programmed into your DNA. You naturally believe all of the radio stations listeners should become your loyal customers – it’s in your psyche. So, they have something you want, they know it and are willing to use it against you – they plan to.

The second psychological weapon is the attractive upcoming event, like say an art festival. You were there last year along with the thousands of other that people showed up. You don’t even know it but now your ego kicks in – there is a lot of satisfaction and pleasure to be gained by being part of something thousands of people think is cool.

The third weapon is a very attractive offer, yes even an irresistible offer. They have valued this package at $20,000 and it’s all yours for the once in a lifetime low promo price of $6,000! WOW!

This attractive package is not only packed with radio spots, but it has -- banners with your name on them -- your company logo in the festival program, the newspaper ads and posters -- there's a special luncheon honoring all the sponsors, the Mayor is going to be there, not to mention the homecoming queen, and a couple of local sports celebrities, plus all of the most prominent business owners in town -- and you're now rubbing elbow with the upper echelon! Man this is so cool!

How could you possibly resist? Just imagine of all the new customers flocking into your business, wallets out, buying everything in sight! You're greed glands are on hyper drive, man you're gonna be rich!

Do you see all of the psychological factors at play behind the scene? The massive paw of the radio advertising grizzly has just swatted you to the ground with a devastating blow -- now you're wounded, vulnerable, and in shock. 

So while you're laying there, bleeding... meaning, all hopped up on the adrenaline, absorbed in your ego, craving to belong, desiring your business to grow... the grizzly smells blood and moves in for the kill... naturally transitioning you into the annual contract. Oh the humanity!

Time to Get Out the Pointy Stick

So how do you defend yourself from an 8 ft, 950 lbs. ravenous beast? 

You get out the pointy stick, like my billionaire friend Charles Morse used to kill his grizzly bear in the movie. He took a large heavy stick and carved a point on the end of it, thus turning it into a spear.

What is your pointy stick that will kill this bear? It's called direct response marketing, otherwise known as accountability.

When the radio rep tells you how wonderful his station is, and how great of a "reach"  they have in the market, and how the recent ratings have ranked them number one in the market or that time slot, etc. etc. etc.

You let the bear kill itself by using the force of it's own weight to spear himself in the heart as he comes down to devour you.

If you simply write radio commercials that can be measured. Therefore, if no one responds you will know it. For example, you've heard the spots that say send for a free DVD or Free Special Report. This spot is measurable. It has a phone number attached. There is a call center picking up the line and taking orders. You know when the spot runs and you know when the calls come in.

The commercial runs... the phone rings. If the commercial runs and the phone does not ring then something is amiss. You have one of two things that are wrong.

1. The first thing to check is your spot. You have to have a tested spot, one that is proven to work for you. So plan on making the investment in this up front. Chances of hitting the right spot on the first try are unlikely. You need to be prepared with at least three diversely different spots during your testing phase. Once you find a spot that works, it should work on any station that has the audience you're targeting.
2. The second thing to look at is the stations audience. If your commercial works on one station it will work on another station providing they both have the same audience. Some stations may have the audience you're after only during certain programs, like the Dr. Laura show for example. So if you have a spot makes the phone ring off the hook when Dr. Laura is on then it's unlikely the same audience is going to be listening to the Heavy Death Metal rock station, or visavera applies.
   

If you can measure the response to your advertising you'll win every time. The grizzly bear can't kill your bank account.

Stay tuned into this blog and you'll learn more about accountable advertising, ie., direct response marketing.

Radio Advertising Myths Exposed

I often talk with entrepreneurs desperate to get out of their annual radio advertising contracts because it's sucking the life out of their bank account and the promised flood of ravenous customers knocking down their door have never materialized.

Look, radio advertising is like a tornado -- if you figure out how to control it, it's like this giant invisible steamroller sweeping across the marketing landscape, rending listening prospect powerless to resist, and sucking all the cash out of their pockets into yours.

However, if you don't know how to control it, it will viciously turn on you, and you'll end up like the cow the tornado sucks off the ground -- legs flailing, bellowing fearfully, and puzzled as to the source of havoc being wreaked upon your life.

Gina, the owner of a greenhouse and nursery, was beside herself because for the last 9 months her radio advertising simply had not worked. But because of her contract she was obliged to pay over $4,000 a month regardless of he results.

Needless to say, she wasn't planning on renewing the contract for next year. She asked if there was anything that could be done over the remaining 3 months to salvage her radio advertising debacle?

Her commercials were appalling 15 and 30 second, so called "funny" quips about her store -- about half of them mentioned a product she carried, but none of them gave a reason why a customer should come in a buy something right now... you know, like a sale, discount or some sort of offer.

But the station had her spots running in a full "rotational" schedule throughout the day and night. You know... a "branding" campaign -- the philosophy being, that if customers hear your name enough times they will eventually choose you over your competitor when the time comes to buy.

Listen, what I'm going to say next is important and can save you thousands of dollars, not to mention sleepless nights and tons of aggravation, so don't doze off.

Here's the shocker... funny doesn't work! At least it's the hardest type of advertising to get results from and it's just not for small independent entrepreneurs. Oh, I know, you'll hear the "experts" say, "funny is money." But usually its the experts that make the money for creating the commercial that say it, not the business owner who's picking up the tab.

At the top of my list of concepts I loathe is the "rotational advertising schedule." It is the biggest pile of smelly, rotting, maggot infested garbage ever devised. It's like going duck hunting and systematically firing into the sky with the hope of putting up enough buckshot that a duck can't help but run into it! Oh yeah, that's a sure thing.

Was I able to provide Gina with a Quick Fix for her radio spots? Let's look.

Listen, there are lots of ways of fixing Gina's problem -- unless you're a radio account rep -- but the solution I came up with was both a quick and easy fix -- you're welcome to use it.

There were three things I wanted her to do immediately.

1. I had her begin to think in terms of giving the potential customers a reason why they should come in to her store and buy right now. I wanted her to start making offers.
2. I had her drop the 15 and 30 second spots and trade them in for 60's. Sure she gets fewer spots but what did she care, to borrow a phrase from my long departed grandfather, the ads she had were "as useful as teats on a boar."
3. I had her throw out the funny sh#%... er... a... I mean funny spots and use the "live radio show host call-in format." These are commercials where you make a live call in to the radio show host and he/she grills you about what's going on down at your store. And even if the station won't let you do it live you still call in and record it with the host as if it were live. And don't worry about making mistakes, it makes you more personal and believable.

It might go something like this...

Radio Host: We have Gina on the line today, she owns Gina's Greenhouse and Nursery down on Main Street. Tell us Gina, what's going on down there today?

Gina: Well, Dick, as we speak my guys are unloading a semi truck load of Royal Empress Tress, the fastest growing tree in North America.

Radio Host: The fastest growing tree Gina? Just how fast do they grow?

Gina: The Royal Empress grows 10 to 15 feet a year and are 40 to 50 feet tall within three years. Plus, it has a gorgeous and fragrant purple bloom.

Radio Host: So Gina, you said you had truck load of them?

Gina: Yes, I do Dick. I found 175 of them at a nursery that was going out of business so I bought the whole lot. And best of all Dick, I got them for pennies on the dollar and am passing on the savings to my customers that come in this week. So they can save over 50% while giving their home curb appeal. Yada. Yada. Yada.

Anyway, you get the point.

Did the Quick Fix work for Gina?

All I know is that Gina renewed her radio advertising contract for the next year.